Happiness is a Spectrum — Not a Destination
I love a podcast. Today, I was listening to one of my favourites, A Little Bit of Optimism, hosted by the wonderful Simon Sinek. He hosts a hugely varied array of guests, most of whom I start out thinking I won’t be interested in... and I am always, without fail, happily, wrong.
The episode I listened to today featured someone I know and admire: the poet In-Q. He has this magical way of telling very vulnerable stories that compassionately dig up feelings in me that I have tried to bury deep down - I mean really deep down. Lately, I’m working on sitting with them and seeing what happens.
In-Q said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“Happiness is not a destination, it is a spectrum.”
In that moment, a light bulb went off. He is 100% right.
How do I know? I thought about all the times I’ve felt happy while simultaneously doing something deeply unpleasant and uncomfortable.
💔 A Personal Example
When I lost my mum, it hurt. A LOT. If you haven’t read my story, you can do that [here]. There were days I didn’t want to function. But I did.
And during those days, there were things that made me happy. Walking Harley (Flynn wasn’t born yet), practicing handstands (badly, but loving the process), headphones in, chilled-out music on, playing like a child and not caring if anyone was watching.
Rolling with my BJJ family. Some days, the thought of being squashed by a man twice my size and three times my strength (and I’m strong!) felt like the last thing I wanted to do. But I went. And I would laugh, play, and have fun.
Did I still feel sad? Yes, of course. Did that stop me from being able to laugh in those moments? No, it didn’t.
I know so many of you — especially my parents out there — have felt this too. Maybe you got terrible work news and came home to your little one proudly singing you a made-up song. It warmed your heart. Maybe you even laughed.
Or for my non-parents: you’ve had days when work was insane, your to-do list endless, and everything felt like too much. Then your bestie sends you a hilarious meme, or your partner runs you a bath, and suds up to your neck... you smile.
💪 Movement and the Happiness Spectrum
This idea applies so perfectly to movement and training — two of the most important (and often the hardest) things you can do for yourself.
When you’re learning a new movement and failing, it’s possible to feel happy that you’re trying something new and frustrated that you’re not getting it... yet.
It’s okay to be happy you’re attempting the heaviest deadlift you’ve ever tried, and also feel the pain and grit of the effort.
It’s okay to be puffed out mid-run, desperately wanting to stop, yet also enjoying the feeling of your legs moving and the world flying by just a bit faster than normal.
It’s okay to feel sad you can’t join a class or do a certain movement because you’re injured, and also feel happy that you can do something else instead.
It’s even okay to hate the movement while you’re doing it and know that afterwards, you’ll feel accomplished and proud.
🌈 Happiness as Your Guardian Angel
The happiness spectrum isn’t about feeling ecstatic all the time — it’s about knowing that happiness never really leaves you. It’s like your guardian angel.
If you look hard enough, you can find even a tiny glimmer of happiness in every moment.
💜 To My Queens Who Can’t Get Out of Bed
While I’m saying this, I also hear my queens who can’t get out of bed. Who can’t eat. Who cry like they need to pee. I see you.
This is not a space where I say, “just think a happy thought” — because in those moments, I know with every bit of my heart that that isn’t there for you.
My advice (tried and tested): remember that the happiness spectrum will meet you where you are.
Your happy moment might be smelling something lovely and recognizing you liked it. That’s it. That is perfect.
It might be stretching a part of your body that aches and feeling a bit of relief. Nothing more.
It might be feeling hungry and eating a snack. 100% legend, I could not be more proud of you.
🌅 Happiness as Light
If I were to picture happiness, I would picture a sunrise.
In the words of The King, Mufasa himself: “Everything the light touches is yours.”
That light is happiness. It starts at the ground, the very bottom of the picture.
The light is whatever makes you feel even a tiny bit of warmth.
⭐ Final Thoughts
Happiness isn’t a destination you arrive at one day when all the boxes are ticked and everything is perfect. It’s a spectrum that runs through everything — the joy and the pain, the heavy lifts and the moments on the floor.
Look for the light. Even if it’s just a glimmer.