The Barbell Trick That Changed How I See Confidence

The Barbell Trick That Fooled Us All

I’ll tell you a little story.
I was coaching a lower body class, and the vibe was electric—my Queens were flying. PBs were dropping everywhere, and I’d set up two bars for those pushing their 5-rep max.

One was a 10kg bar loaded to 65kg. The other was a 15kg ladies’ olymipc lifting bar loaded to 70kg. To the eye, the 65kg bar looked heavier—smaller bar, chunky plates, more compact.

One of my girls stepped up to it. She’d just done 60kg with ease, so I knew she had this. But when she pulled… nothing. She thought she’d failed.

When she looked up at me, I saw a look I have seen countless times on my own face. The one that says “I thought I could do that”. She stepped back to let someone else go and noticed the other bar. Head lowered she said “I’ll just do one more with this bar”. She meant one more of the successful lower weight reps. I smiled and said nothing. She set up, braced, and… it flew. She smashed all five reps. When I told her that she hadn’t just lifted 60 again but 70kg - 5kg more than her failed attempt, her face lit up. The whole class went wild.

That moment stayed with me. Because it showed me how often we psych ourselves out. How too often we believe what we think we see and let that our inner self doubt take the reigns.

Why We Struggle to See Our Brilliance

That barbell moment stayed with me because it asked a bigger question: why can we see other people’s strength so clearly, but doubt our own when it is right there in our hands?

It comes down to survival wiring. Our brains are designed to scan for threats, not notice joy. Once upon a time, that meant spotting tigers or avoiding dragons. Today, it’s WhatsApp pings, deadlines, and Instagram likes.

We interpret tiny hiccups as giant dangers. A post that isn’t well received feels like rejection from the tribe. Negative feedback? Sabre-toothed tiger attack. Forget a birthday? Exile.

When your nervous system is on high alert, it is almost impossible to see your own brilliance. Your brain is too busy scanning for danger to notice evidence that you are capable. We have the outside view on what might, well, kill them. And lifting something heavy off the floor that they have prepared for properly, is not it.

The Power of Perspective

We can reprogram our joy-o-vision though. And there are good reasons to do it. Letting your brain notice good things around you settles your nervous system. You can try this now and see how it feels. Look up from your screen and notice something in your surroundings that you think is pretty. Doesn’t matter what it is. Now notice 2 more things you think are pretty, you can move to another room if you need to. Now, when you finished reading, set a reminder in your phone for 9am and 1pm to do the same. Over time you won’t need the reminder. You will automatically start to see things that lift you. It’s like when you get a new car and suddenly you see tons of the same car you have when previously you didn’t see any. Your brain will be wired to see joy.

With a more settled nervous system you will naturally slow down to allow yourself to take in these new visions too. This more settled nervous system will also make you feel more confident in yourself. If you want another trick to feel more confident, I am going to offer you a tool that will feel like an itchy jumper to start with but will make you see yourself differently.

Years ago, someone told me: “When you get a compliment, just smile and say thank you.”

It sounds simple. But in practice? We have been programmed not to let a compliment settle. My brain wanted to argue every time. “They’re wrong, I’m not that good, I don’t deserve this.”

Then I realised—when I tell someone they’ve done well, I mean it. My opinion matters. So when I reject a compliment, I’m actually saying their opinion doesn’t matter. Ouch. That is like you thinking a flower is pretty and the flower telling you it’s really an old muddy sock. Or your coach telling you you are strong enough to do something and you melting into a puddle of human goo.

Now I choose differently. I honour their perspective because I know mine if flawed and theirs is valid. I step into the version of me they see, even if my brain whispers doubt. That shift changes everything.

Resetting the Nervous System

This weekend, I set my girls an assignment: take three pictures outside of something that made them smile, laugh, or feel joy.

Some walked, some ran, all of them delivered their assignment. I got 3 things from them without chasing them to hand in their homework. And every single one of them reported feeling better. That’s the real win.

Seeing Yourself Through Someone Else’s Eyes

Try this exercise. Grab a pen and paper:

What would your best friend say is your brightest quality?

What’s something you do effortlessly that others always appreciate?

When was the last time someone said you made their day brighter?

If you’re brave, swap answers with a friend. See yourself through their eyes.

Then go deeper: recall a compliment you deflected.

How would it feel to just say thank you?

What shifts in your body when you imagine receiving it?

This isn’t about right or wrong—it’s about perspective.

The Call of the Sparkle

So, my wish for you today is this: if you could see yourself through my eyes, you’d never doubt your worth, your strength, or your magic again.

Next time you notice something wonderful in someone else, tell them. Sprinkle that pixie dust freely—because it feels incredible and as a bonus it always drifts back onto you.

And remember that day in the gym: sometimes the story in your head is heavier than the thing in front of you.
You may already be stronger than you think, Queen. You might just need someone to hand you the right bar.