Stronger Than You Think: How to See Yourself Through Someone Else’s Eyes
The Barbell Trick That Fooled Us All
I’ll tell you a little story.
I was coaching a lower body class, and the vibe was electric—my Queens were flying. PBs were dropping everywhere, and I’d set up two bars for those pushing their 5-rep max.
One was a 10kg bar loaded to 65kg. The other was a 15kg ladies’ bar loaded to 70kg. To the eye, the 65kg bar looked heavier—smaller bar, chunky plates.
One of my girls stepped up to it. She’d just done 60kg with ease, so I knew she had this. But when she pulled… nothing. She thought she’d failed.
Not wanting to crush her confidence, I told her to try the “lighter” bar next. She set up, braced, and—Queens, it flew. She smashed all five reps. When I revealed she’d just lifted the heavier bar, her face lit up. The whole class went wild.
That moment stayed with me. Because it showed me how often we psych ourselves out.
Why We Struggle to See Our Brilliance
That barbell moment made me think bigger: why do we fail to see what we’re capable of?
It comes down to survival wiring. Our brains are designed to scan for threats, not notice joy. Once upon a time, that meant spotting tigers or avoiding dragons. Today, it’s WhatsApp pings, deadlines, and Instagram likes.
We interpret tiny hiccups as giant dangers. A post that doesn’t land? Feels like rejection from the tribe. Negative feedback? Sabre-toothed tiger attack. Forget a birthday? Exile.
When your nervous system is on high alert, it’s almost impossible to see your brilliance.
The Power of Perspective
Years ago, someone told me: “When you get a compliment, just smile and say thank you.”
It sounds simple. But in practice? My brain wanted to argue every time. “They’re wrong, I’m not that good, I don’t deserve this.”
Then I realised—when I tell someone they’ve done well, I mean it. My opinion matters. So when I reject a compliment, I’m actually saying their opinion doesn’t matter. Ouch.
Now I choose differently. I honour their perspective. I step into the version of me they see, even if my brain whispers doubt. That shift changes everything.
Resetting the Nervous System
This weekend, I set my girls an assignment: take three pictures outside of something that made you smile, laugh, or feel joy.
Why? Because moving your eyes around, connecting with nature, and looking for glimmers of joy calms your nervous system. It takes your brain out of tiger watch mode and into sunrise mode.
Some walked, some ran, all of them delivered their assignment. Did I get pictures from everyone? No. However I got 3 things from them without chasing them to hand in their homework. And every single one of them reported feeling better. That’s the real win.
Seeing Yourself Through Someone Else’s Eyes
Try this exercise. Grab a pen and paper:
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What would your best friend say is your brightest quality?
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What’s something you do effortlessly that others always appreciate?
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When was the last time someone said you made their day brighter?
If you’re brave, swap answers with a friend. See yourself through their eyes.
Then go deeper: recall a compliment you deflected.
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How would it feel to just say thank you?
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What shifts in your body when you imagine receiving it?
This isn’t about right or wrong—it’s about perspective.
The Call of the Sparkle
So, my wish for you today is this: if you could see yourself through my eyes, you’d never doubt your worth, your strength, or your magic again.
Next time you notice something wonderful in someone else, tell them. Sprinkle that pixie dust freely—because it always drifts back onto you.
And remember, like that day in the gym: sometimes the only thing holding you back is the story in your head. You’re already stronger than you think, Queen. 🌙✨