Dust, Sweat, and Scars: The Arena Where Queens Are Forged

You don’t need another critic in your life. You’ve already got enough voices, both in your head and those around you, telling you you’re not doing enough, that you're not fast enough, you're not strong enough. 

I LOVE Brene Brown. I have listened to Daring Greatly probably 20 times. For anyone who doesn't know who Dr Brown is (where have you been, but glad you have arrived at the party), she is a shame researcher. Wait! Come back! I know that does not sound like a fun topic but believe me, the story about her busting moves in a department store with her daughter is incredible. And as someone who will dance in Tesco...to no music... I can relate to Ellen (her daughter) in this moment. I am so see the courage it took for Brene to join in. And I love it. 

Why am I sharing this with you today? Because I think as a society are looking for the red pill of perfection. And, at least from my observations, are getting less and less willing to get uncomfortable to get to that end goal. It feel unachievable and incomprehensible.

I see people give up cleaning their diet up because their six pack didn't arrive like an Amazon Prime delivery.

I see people quit half way through exercise sessions because have lost their willingness to push themselves. Sitting down is easier...for now. 

I have seen people give up working through mental wellness issues because they shouted at the kids, screamed at the dog and thought that their breathwork, that was meant to save them, was a waste of time - forgetting that they were on their period, they had to come home from work to get a PE kit that had been left at home by one of the kids, that meant they had to stay later at work, tea is now late, the kids are wired because they are over-tired and the dog is begging to go on the walk that you should have gone on half an hour ago... Breathe in... and out... I get it. 

This is not to shame you. I am you. I have lived these lives so many times it's not funny. What I want you to take from me today is the understanding that anything worth being good at takes time. Anything worth having is not just going to fall in your lap. And doing your best is WORTH IT'S WEIGHT IN GOLD. Even if you fail (read that again!). 

You didn’t come out of your Mum walking, talking, and balancing your cheque book. (If you did, I’d have questions.)

So why not pursue what you want knowing it will come one step at a time. Not all at once, cheaply. Remember, you are Luis V not Shein (no shade).

To get to what you really want, you have to suck at it to start with. Fall on your face (been there). Get stuck and feel like you can’t move (yep). Feel like you look ridiculous (all the time). Wonder why nothing is working (you’re not alone).

In Daring Greatly (which if you haven't read - go now and come back when you are done), Dr Brown references a speech from Theodore Roosevelt that I am sure you will at least be familiar with. I am going to remind you because I love it so much:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

When I did my Yoga teacher training, we had to teach to pass the course, and I used this speech as a closing quote because this was my Daring Greatly moment. I went to Costa Rica, on my own, to learn something that when I told my Mum I was going to do it she said "oh, you are going to be a bum living on a beach teaching Yoga" (doesn't sound like a terrible life to me, but no).

Here’s what this means to me, and what I want you to hear:

Those voices telling you to stop - they are not yours. Your job is to notice those critics and remind them that their opinion, none of your business. 

Too many of my Queens — those still trapped in Princess mode — throw in the towel too soon. Exercise feels like it's something for "other people", the Yes demon whispers louder than their own needs. And so they curtsy, smile, and wave their power away like a monogrammed hanky blowing in the breeze.

I am here to tell you, you are the Queen in your own arena. An arena you get to build. In that arena if you want to get a heavy ass deadlift - you go girl (I can't pull that off, I know). If you want to learn to handstand - DO IT. It is so much fun. If you want to start your own business, let me know and I will be your first customer. You can do anything you want. There is no limit. Once can learn to drown out those voices, the only way is straight to your dreams. One step at a time. So;

Start to embrace the dust — it means you showed up.
Start to love the sweat — it’s your glowing warrior suit.
Start to honour the blood and scars — they are proof of your resilience.

This is my poem back to TR (and a thank you to Brene for daring me into MY arena):

Set the sky aflame.
Reorder the stars.
Make the earth quake beneath your feet.
You can.
If only you dare.

I believe in you. Believe in you too.

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